After Matt walks in on Joan and John being intimate, Joan attempts to lead a group therapy session. Also, Jen hires a breast-feeding consultant couple, Matt and Colleen have the most enjoyable bad date ever, and Heather and Tim move to a new home with the help of a moving company that employs ex-cons.
Tim and Heather unintentionally make things incredibly awkward for Tyler when he brings his gorgeous new girlfriend, Clementine, to meet the family. Also, Matt and Colleen are caught canoodling at the office by their obnoxious co-worker, Will, Jen and Greg vow not to become germaphobes, and John buys Sophia a cell phone behind her parents' backs.
The siblings congratulate Greg after word spreads that he stood up to Joan for passive-aggressively questioning Jen’s parenting skills. Also, Chad insists on having one last meal with Colleen’s grandmother before heading off to jail, Matt and Greg discourage Tim from beating John at a round of golf and Sophia gets a peanut stuck up her nose.
When Matt invites Colleen to brunch with the family, he coaches her through the difficult task of connecting with them. Also, John, Matt and Greg try to prove their masculinity by cutting down a tree in Greg's backyard, Tim has an adverse reaction to espresso, and a sleep-deprived Greg has a run-in with the cops.
When Jen and Greg interview potential nannies for Lark, they find it difficult to find one they trust. Also, Tim, Matt and Greg go camping, Heather suspects Matt bought Colleen earrings with money she loaned him, and John makes a wooden puppet for Lark that the family has more fun playing with than she does.
When Matt and Colleen catch Chad trying to kidnap her beloved pup, Princess, Chad uses the opportunity to pitch them his new business venture. Also, Jen and Greg try to be intimate for the first time since having a baby, Heather “breaks up” with her longtime hairstylist, Lynette, and Tim ruins Samantha’s birthday party.
Joan invites their recently widowed neighbor, Gary Timpkins, to Thanksgiving dinner, during which everyone has a bad reaction to Colleen’s cauliflower dish. Also, Tim and Sophia try to find a last-minute replacement for Heather’s spoiled turkey, Jen and Greg debate who to name as Lark’s godparent and John takes Samantha to the Harvest Festival, where she sneaks into the corn maze with her boyfriend, Aiden.
Colleen joins John and his Air Force buddies for his annual tradition of dirty Christmas caroling. Also, Joan tries to hijack Lark’s first Christmas from Jen and Greg, Samantha sneaks out with her friends and is caught when a photo of her and a mall Santa is posted online, and Tyler announces his plans for college,
Greg is still bitter over an accident that sidelined a competitive game of ping-pong he and Matt had started years ago, so they decide to finally settle the score. Also, Heather questions herself after urging Tim to get a vasectomy, Jen is stressed about returning to work, and Joan learns her credit card has been stolen after strange packages start arriving.
When Jen cuts her finger and Greg takes her to the hospital, they finally have the first quality alone time they’ve had in months. Also, John takes Samantha and Sophia to a restaurant where everything is named after feelings, Heather gives Tim a sexy anniversary gift, and Sophia is punished after Heather hears her swearing.