Listened to The Divine Right Of Smoothie Kings

You’re probably not going to play professional football, so how should you decide where to attend college? Our academic survey can tell you! The “Which school has the most convenient parking” answers won’t surprise you; the “Which school has the best food” answers definitely will!Also covered: The crucial categories of “waterslide availability” and “places to take a nap in public”Eat shit, US News & World ReportThe University of Texas’s clutch of Panera-level fascist boosters don’t deserve a good-faith argument, and you shouldn’t give them one!A Charity Bowl challenge is issued!

By Shutdown Fullcast